Addicts who are parents

Addicts who are parents or will become

nine
years
clean

To addicts who are parents or will become parents...

I was addicted to meth for 13 long years. All of those years, my son was with me. My baby boy. My ONLY child.

I'll be clean 10 years in a couple of weeks, but the devil and the Lord are battling it out in my heart and soul these days.

Anyway, I thought I'd share something that literally took a konk on the noggin in order for me to see.

Last night, I bent over to pick something up and forgetting that the cupboard door above me was open, I smacked my head on it as I stood up and I swear, I saw stars.

Within an hour I realized something for the very first time since July 1, 1996, which was the day I got clean. The way it feels to be the girlfriend (me) of an alcoholic is what it felt like to be the son (my baby boy) of an addict (me again), ONLY ABOUT TEN THOUSAND BILLION TIMES WORSE, CAUSE I WAS HIS MOM, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

Although I loved my son with all of my heart and soul, I was absent for most of his childhood. I made him feel like I didn't love him enough to show up for his life; just the way Jeff makes me feel.

If you are a parent and an addict, or thinking of becoming a parent and you are an addict, stop for one second and realize through ME that you are doing more damage to those who look up to you by remaining in your addiction than you could ever do to yourself.

message board replies...

bec

Re: To addicts who are parents or will become parents...

yes but for me it has been so hard to think what this is doing to my little girl I don't ever want her to hate me but I am trying to stay clean thank for that.

blondie

Re: To addicts who are parents or will become parents...

I did some things that I am not so proud of when I was drinking, and not being the mother that I should have been.
My youngest daughter lived through the addiction of meth with her dad...
She came home the other day with a book she had bought for him, the name of the book is Why A Daughter Needs a Dad...
She has not spoken to him in a long time...but she wrote in this book. and she let me read it...It made me cry. and through her words I could see how deeply she has been hurt. anyways she is sending this book to him. it just helped me see things through her eyes...
God Bless

jeninoz

Re: To addicts who are parents or will become parents...

Our twins love their dad very much (they're 5yrs8mths old - boy/girl).

On the way to dropping their dad back at the psych ward - he comes home for dinner and weekends of late (some might remember our story - he's meth addicted and trashed our home in meth psychosis, broke his ankle trying to escape the police and has been hospitalized ever since/about 8 weeks now), my kids asked me about my dad who passed away about 8 years ago now. They asked me what he was like. I told them he was a really good dad. He used to take me fishing, to the beach and the "Easter Show". My heart broke when my daughter said "that's what our daddy should do for us". She always appears "together" but still waters run deep.

I have never seen my husband have such commitment to recovery as he does now. He's been a voluntary patient for the last couple of weeks (before that he was committed). He has been diagnosed with morbid jealousy (not great for me) and has been placed on medication which he needs and has accepted staying in the "loony bin" of his own accord to get the help he desperately needs. I'm very proud of him for that and this is the longest he's been clean in about 6 years.

I hope and pray for our kids sake, mine and his that this time he can make it.

God bless all the parents and kids who have meth involved in their life.

nine
years
clean

Re: To addicts who are parents or will become parents...

So I called my son this morning. He lives SO far away that we rarely get to talk.

Anyway, I told him about the things I wrote above, and told him again that I was sorry for not "being there" for him emotionally, and for instead being a major meth addict.

He's so sweet. He told me that everything we go through in life makes us who we are today, and had I not gone through what I did with meth, then I wouldn't be able to help people now.

He said he's had to work through it all in his head, and that basically, he found God, and God assures him that everything we go through in life is for a higher purpose later.

Well, I could go on and on, but I'll tell you something, I must have done SOMETHING right to raise a wonderful guy like my boy.

Thanks for letting me share.